Why is it so difficult for a single woman in her 50's to find a man from her decade?

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 4:37pm — suzymoose54

I'm glad you brought this up. Ok, let me start by saying that frankly, it does feel like the number of eligible men is shrinking, and yes, there are a certain percentage of guys in our age group that will be dating women who are younger.So let's move on to the many men who are available and wonderful and looking for a mature, age appropriate woman who has a tremendous amount to offer. They are out there. I'm not sure what your situation is, but Susan (my matchmaking business partner) and I meet a lot of women who say how hard it is to meet someone in their 50's and up.....then we try to introduce them to a lovely, interesting man....and the woman either outright refuses to meet them or meets them and instantly disqualifies them. Why do they do this? Often, they have a very specific set of criterea...including the exact type of job, car, home, vacations, and even height and facial hair he must have! We actually had a 58 year old client who we introduced to a very fine man of 62 and she called furious, saying "Jennifer, I thought you knew: no facial hair!" and refused to go out with him again. Obviuosly, this is an extreme example and he could simply have shaven his beard if she took the time to get to know him....but you get where I am going with this. We need to become more expansive instead of more narrow in our search. We aren't telling you that you have to force yourself and obviously if there is no spark after a few dates, fine, there's no reason to pursue it. But, please give someone a chance, get to know him. Take it lightly, just simply make a new friend and have a pleasant time. He may grow on you, and if not, you have made a new friend who can open the door to his friends. Please think: expansive!!

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Mon, 05/10/2010 - 12:57pm — vickifb

My take on the "he may grow on you"

I am a hardliner, not to the extreme as the 58 yr old client described above, but I have my criteria and I am sticking to them. I've settled in my life (3 times, once I lived with a guy for 13 years because he fit everyone's expectations but mine, 2nd one I settled for the exact opposite of the first guy (grins) third I married, mainly because I was 39 and was my "best friend" but really nothing else). Now I am 49 (4 months away from the 5-0 mark. I am considered good looking, having a good shape, probably 12 lbs over weight (but I have a good frame so I carry it well, and I am working hard to loose that) I work out, I am intelligent, I have a good paying job, I have a house and I cannot find a date with anyone that meets some of my criteria. I can only surmise that I am one of two things, too independent / strong or not "Miss Thang" size 2, 30 something. My criteria is not "horrible", it is: at least 5'11", not bald, confident / not arrogant, makes at least as much money as I do, athletic (takes care of themselves), dresses appropriately (for the occasion at hand), has and uses his manners, knows about food above and beyond fast food and Applebee’s, and is attractive to me. (I am 5’6” and I wear heels constantly making me at minimum 5’9” my ex was 5’9” and I was always taller than he and it did not make me happy.) The only men that “take” to me are ones that I call “needy”, a friend said that I obviously put out the “protector” signal, I do not want to protect nor be protected, I want a companion an equal. I do not want to “complete” a person, I want that person to be complete. (a man once told me that that sentiment was a cop-out, dropped him like a hot-potato).What / Where / How do I find a man that wants a woman like me? BTW I am in Nashville… ; )

Fri, 07/02/2010 - 10:53am — Jennifer

advice from Susan and Jennifer

We understand that you feel that you have "settled" for men who weren't right for you. It's an awful feeling and it often makes us want to make up right now for everything we didn't get before. We are only human. It's normal! However, it keeps our options very limited. Please take a look on the "Ten Commitments" page at the bulleye exersize in commitment number one: "Be Picky About What You Are Picky About". You have listed a lot of criterea here, but nothing about the qualities this man must have. Does he really need to be taller than you? Does he really need to earn the same or more? Let the exersize help you define what you absolutely have to have, and frankly, what you can live without. Once you do that, the energy you give off will be different, and someone is more likely to flow your way. We have seen it happen...but you need to straighten out your own thoughts before. Once you do, your world will open.

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