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At the gym this morning I was thinking how great it would be to have a spin class followed-up by 30 minute weight lifting and yoga sessions. I tailor made the perfect morning of exercise classes in my mind with the teachers, length and content I wanted. Then I checked the schedule, and nothing was exactly what I wanted, so I went home.

Then it hit me, I’m doing exactly what many of our matchmaking clients do…fantasize about perfection, not find it, and by default, choose nothing. The analogy was perfect…you must select from what actually exists not from your tailor made fantasy.

As modern-day, old–fashioned, low-tech matchmakers, my business partner, Susan and I are a little taken aback at the state of courting today.

We have two distinct categories of clients: those who are finding love and companionship through our introductions, and those who continually go only on first or second dates and then are perennially disgruntled.

There is one simple difference between the two. The happy ones don’t judge, they enjoy. They enjoy people, they enjoy life, they enjoy the art of a witty repartee, and they are open to differences, flaws, feedback, connection…love.

“I couldn’t possibly meet him, he has 2 kids. I don’t date divorced people. Never married, that’s a problem for me. Lives downtown, too far. I don’t want to go on a second date because he said he may go backpacking in Europe, isn’t he too old for that? He talked about football too much. She was too nice, he didn’t pick a “cool” restaurant, I don’t like facial hair, she’s too short, he’s too tall, did you see the car he drives?”

Let’s face it, there really are a million reasons NOT to like someone, why not try to find reasons to like someone. We are all flawed, and if we seek perfection we will always be disappointed–and alone.

Not that it always works out, not that that particular person is ultimately for you, but as one happy client puts it “I’d rather try and maybe something will happen, then not try and it definitely won’t.” It also reminds me of a line from one of my favorite Broadway shows, “Company”: Don’t be worried that it won’t be perfect…be concerned that it may not BE at all.

Often people present a very rigid idea of what they want and liken potential mates to TV characters. Can you get me a girl with straight hair like Rachel on friends? Mary Louise Parker is my type. Can you find me a Mr. “big” kind of guy from Sex in the City. How about a guy with a ”Seinfeld” of sense of humor? Possibly TV stars have become our heroes in a world so lacking of real ones?

We think the internet has something to do with this phenomenon as well. Susan always says: “Just like a box of tissues, there’s always another one popping up next.”

It’s true that many people have met and fallen in love on the internet, and those who never would have met are meeting, and that’s great.

There are also oceans of people “hooking up” and very few really connecting….all because maybe something better will come along. It’s so important to explore what you’ve got before you throw it out.

One piece of simple yet quite practical advice we give our clients is “if it ain’t working….stop doin’ it.” Why re-live painful scenarios, however comfortable we have become with them… when we have the power to change them?

Here’s a piece of late breaking news–no one is Mr/Mrs right, everyone flawed is some way. Every person who has even been married will tell you that, and has compromised on something. Susan always says “you have to give up to get”. If you seek perfection you may end up perfectly alone.