A close friend recently referred to Susan and I as the “Headhuntrix of love and synergy”. Since we are constantly in the process of hunting and gathering information that will help our clients have more satisfying dating lives, and we love the metaphor.
Truly gorgeous, well-educated, successful, smart, worldly women come to us and wonder why they are not connecting with the someone special they deserve. We find that they apply what makes them successful at work to their dating lives and it always backfires!
Some words of wisdom from men have recently helped us show women they can continue to be their fabulous, successful selves while simply adjusting a few things to make connecting with a man easier. It’s been refreshing for us to see many of our clients “let go” and see how simple it really is! Here’s a few easy to implement things:
#1 – Men repeatedly tell us life is hard…a woman on a date should be the anecdote for that. The adjectives men use are pretty consistent across the board...listen up ladies…you can do this!
Here goes: light, easy, fun, humorous, warm, relaxed, flexible, soft, up-beat, genuinely curious were words most often used.
A confident, sense of self without pretension or arrogance is also a common theme. Realistically, would you think a man would want an evening with a woman who is complaining about how stressed she is at work/home?
Would you want to hear it from a guy on a date? NO!
Take home message: SOFTEN-UP!
#2 – A woman who is aware enough to really express a genuine interest in listening to a man…perhaps like she would any friend, and try to understand their essence instead of “interviewing” them and going down an obvious “mental check-list.”
Guys consistently tell us that scrutinizing, evaluating and questioning are the worse date ruiners, and a close second is trying to hard to “sell” yourself…how smart you are…how successful you are….how busy you are…how in demand you are.
Think about it, if the tables were turned wouldn’t you want the same things? It’s as simple as that.
Take home message: Stop Interviewing!
#3 – Male clients often tell us that guys are extraordinarily simple, women often make things complex. One man succinctly put it: “Stop taking things so seriously!”
Take home message: Lighten-up!
#4 – On dates “rude” and “demanding” came up over and over as turn-offs. Rude to a waiter, taxi-driver, man on the street, anyone….is considered quite nasty.
Take home message: Rudeness is a big no-no!
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