We were referred a lovely 48 year old fellow from a good friend of ours. He was affable, good looking, athletic, tall, has a successful consulting business, owns his home and is ready to get married. He was not only accepting but embracing of meeting a woman with children.
He had been engaged before and had long-term relationships which were also good signs. He spoke well of his childhood, and talked about how close he was with his two nephews, 5 and 7. Sounds pretty good, right?
We introduced him to a pretty, athletic woman in her early 40’s with two active school age boys and couldn’t help but picture him playing with her kids in the park, tossing a football around, and her being thrilled with us for finding her such a great guy. (ok, matchmakers fantasize too). We couldn’t have been more wrong!
She called us right when she got home from the date absolutely furious with us and quite insulted (we can be a convenient and accepting receptacles for frustration). “How dare you send me a man who drives such a mediocre car, and he was the most inconsiderate man I have ever met…he selected the bottle of wine without even asking me what I liked.”
After those two facts, she simply shut down and did what many women do: “judge and disqualify” without really trying to get to know someone. But wait…the saga continues…
We felt that despite his “mediocre” (and who cares anyway) car and wine-ordering habits, he was a quality guy. The following week we introduced him to another divorced mother of two in her mid 40’s. Here’s what she said to us the next day: ”What a thoughtful guy, he came to pick me up at my door in his car and ordered a lovely bottle of wine for us at dinner, it was so romantic.” She went on to qvell about how he spoke of his nephews, etc…and so forth.
Long story short, that was two years ago and they are happily married and adopting a baby together from China, and sadly Miss “judge and disqualify” is still working on her roadblocks.
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