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We all know the old saying: “There’s someone for everyone.”

It makes it clear that there is one, perfect match, somewhere in the great, wide world. It implies don’t rush, don’t compromise, don’t settle—your someone is out there, and he’s looking and waiting, too.

However, holding out for the perfect soul mate is likely to keep you from finding him at all, even when he’s standing right in front of you.

We are saying that not only is it okay to be picky, it's essential, but selectivity has to work to your advantage. It should contribute to a realistic assessment of what makes you happy. Yet we’ve learned that most women don’t get that right away.

They approach dating with a ‘wish list’ for a man, but they also have a ‘need list’ for themselves.  The two lists often contradict each other. Often, your ‘wish list’ may be preventing you from getting your 'need list.’

So, throw out your old lists, get a piece of paper and a pencil, and start over from scratch. Being picky about what you’re picky about also means learning to distinguish between a guy who gives ‘good date’ and a real potential mate.

The Bulls Eye Test below will show you that identifying your core values and getting specific definitely increases the possibility you will find a good partner. And, maybe even find one who’s got some fantastic hidden qualities you never considered.

Over and over we explain: we’re not asking women to give up what they want in a guy or a relationship. We’re telling you to be smart about it. Ask yourself, what is most important to me? What can I let go of in my search that hasn’t been working so far?

Commitment #1 The Bulls Eye Test

Step One—Draw a bulls eye on a piece of paper, and list the qualities of your fantasy man, the most important qualities in the middle, and those less so on each outer radius. Really give life to your perfect fantasy man! Write down personality characteristics, interests, background and appearance of your ideal man.

Step Two—Sit back, re-read the list carefully and then ask yourself: does this man really exist? Can he go from your imagination, to paper, to flesh-and-blood? Or is it clear to you (and you’re being clear-headed here!) that you’ve set the bar too high?

Step Three—Now, draw another bulls eye on a piece of paper, and write down your core values, the things you hold most dear in your life in the the middle, and less so as you go to the outer radius. Is it friends? family? loyalty? work-ethic? Write down what you value most.

Step Four—Using both lists, compare what you wrote your fantasy man had to have, and what your core values are.  Often, this is a major life altering wake up call!! Many women have been searching unsuccessfully for someone who simply doesn't reflect her core values while she focuses on external qualities... not internal mechanisms and matters of a man's character. Think carefully about your core values and how a man could match them. Often intangible inner qualities are more important than appearance or social features like job status.

Don't Forget

As we age, the pool of available men gets smaller, so expand your criteria

You need to buy certain qualities and sell off others, no one will have everything, so you need to define what's most important and let go of the rest. You must distinguish between a good dater and a great potential mate.